Mental health 101: There’s a fine line between self-preservation and self-sabotage

Whenever I meet a truly interesting and inspiring person, I find myself wondering: ”What mountains did you  climb, to be this way?”

It’s no secret that character is built through learning from life’s toughest challenges.

Missing the mark: Self-preservation vs self-sabotage

In recent years, mental health awareness has exploded into the mainstream, and rightly so. Thankfully, therapy is no longer taboo, self-care is a buzzword, and emotional vulnerability is largely celebrated.

But this well-meaning movement has taken a troubling turn, fostering a culture of avoidance and stagnation, leaving people less resilient, less capable, and emotionally fragile.

“I can’t handle this conversation—it’s bad for my mental health,” they say.

Is it really?

I’ve noticed that under the guise of “protecting peace”, mental health language is often misused  in order to avoid responsibilities and tough conversations.

Let’s examine this.

Emotional and mental well-being: The vital variance

Emotional well-being refers to the ability to manage and express emotions in a healthy way as you navigate life’s ups and downs.

Mental well-being includes  overall psychological health, including the ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope with daily information overload.

While the two are interconnected, they are not the same.

Emotional well-being is a part of mental health, but mental health also includes cognitive and behavioural aspects.

This means  that good mental health isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about functioning well, even when life gets tough.

As a specialist in this field, here’s where I see us going wrong.

From self-care to self-sabotage

1.    A Dangerous Dichotomy: Self-Awareness vs  Self-Diagnosis

At the heart of emotional intelligence is self-awareness i.e. understanding your emotions, your strengths, your impact on others, and  how others perceive you.

The current trend is to label every thought or feeling as a ‘symptom’.

Self-diagnosing anxiety, depression, or ADHD  from a TikTok  video oversimplifies and also undermines the very real struggle of those with  severe symptoms  and actual clinical diagnoses.

Over-pathologising normal experiences can lead to  helplessness, and a victim mindset, causing unnecessary suffering, fear, and worry.

If you suspect you do indeed need support, stop  guessing and  seek professional help. This will reduce your anxiety and get you the help you need.

2. Therapy is a Tool not a Trophy

Therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth: It’s not just  about paying someone to listen to your problems. It’s a process where you actively work on yourself and  learn to take responsibility for your life in a  meaningful way.

Clinical diagnosis is meant to help you understand yourself and give you direction for healing and recovery, not become  a label that limits you.

Sadly, for many,  “I’m in therapy”  is  often recycled as  emotional sophistication: a badge of honour that is flaunted without actually doing the work.

Or, it’s a justification to avoid accountability.

3. Mental Health Language: Shielding or Stifling?

These days everyone is  “triggered”,  “toxic” or “traumatised”.

The term “triggers” was originally intended to help those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder steer clear of situations that might retraumatise them. Today, it’s used for minor inconveniences.

Are you  ‘triggered’—or  annoyed?

Is work ‘toxic’—or challenging?

Are you “traumatised” or inconvenienced?

Are you “depressed” – or disappointed?

Consistently  avoiding disagreements, discomfort, or anything that upsets you, is not “ protecting your mental health”—it’s avoiding life.

4. Fragile Feelings and  Fierce Self-Care

Self-care is a way to  replenish your energy so you can show up fully in your life. This should be the most fluid , non-negotiable thing about life in 2025.

We all need time out, but time out and avoidance based on fragility are not the same thing.

Avoiding challenges and responsibilities hinders personal progress, self-care supports it.

The Crucial Clash: Experience vs Ease

It’s a misconception that good mental health is about  feeling good all the time.

 Real life is hard:  No one gets a free pass.

If we want a meaningful life, we need to develop  the ability to understand information, think clearly, make decisions, and handle or adapt to  tough situations efficiently.

Author Robin Sharma said,” The pursuit of ease is the enemy of greatness.”

  If you want to be wiser, stronger and more capable, avoid the easy path: there’s no growth there.

Building Bold Resilience and Adaptability

1.     Embrace Discomfort: Discomfort happens in unfamiliar experiences where life asks you for  something  you  possibly never had to give before. Learn to lean into it.  “I never lose, I either win, or I learn” is a powerful mentality that supports resilience and grows those mental muscles. 

2.     Practice Radical Accountability: Take ownership of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Instead of blaming others ask yourself, “What can I do to improve this situation?” Then do it.

3.     Stop Over-Identifying with Labels:  Recognise that you are a complex, dynamic human being capable of progression and change: You are not your clinical, or self-diagnosed, label.

4.     Use Language Responsibly: Mental health struggles are real. Don’t misuse mental health terms for everyday challenges. Identify your actual emotions,  handle appropriately, and ask for help if you need it.

5.     Challenge Yourself: Set small, manageable goals that push you out of your comfort zone. Celebrate your progress.

6.     Prioritise Growth Over Comfort: Growth often comes with growing pains. Engaging in hard conversations may be the only way to create desired change. Embrace the discomfort as a sign that you’re evolving.

7.     Seek professional help if you believe you have an undiagnosed condition.

Mental Health: A Path, not a Place

This is your invitation  toembrace life with all its ups and downs and grow into the most interesting and inspiring version of yourself.  Stay curious and open minded, and be willing to  see things in a new way.

You will not regret it!

For  mental health support : www.drgeraldine.com